How to Talk Without Offending Anyone

10:53:26

2024-05-05

2547

1- THINK before you speak.

Use this acronym to plan what you'll say before tough conversations. THINK is an acronym that stands for the 5 things any constructive criticism should be: True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, and Kind. If what you have to say meets all 5 criteria, it's unlikely the person you're talking to will be hurt by it.

For example, you might say, "Your reports are always impeccable. Unfortunately, they're always at least a week late, and this jams up other departments. What can I do to help you get them in on time?"
If your words push the other person to rise to the occasion and take ownership of the issue directly, you've done your job. They'll be less likely to feel hurt or think you're targeting them unfairly.

2- Make I-statements to reduce defensiveness.

Focus on your own beliefs rather than pointing at the other person. When someone feels as though you're blaming them for something, their defenses are likely to go up. This happens either because you've said something hurtful or the person is worried that you will. Framing your own perspective leaves room for the other person's perspective as well.

For example, you might say, "I feel overwhelmed and rushed when you give me your report at the last minute." Compare this to "You never turn in your report on time." The second statement is more likely to make the person feel attacked and become defensive.
Follow your I-statement with what you want to happen in the future. For example, you might say, "I feel overwhelmed and rushed when you give me your report at the last minute. I'd appreciate it if you'd turn it in at least a day earlier so I have time to incorporate your data in the department report."

3- Sandwich criticism between positive comments.

Boost the other person with compliments to inspire them to step up. If you tell someone what they're doing right, it encourages them to go the extra mile to fix anything you might have a problem with. You leave them with the sense that they're capable of improving on their results.

For example, you might say, "I was really pleased with how you handled that rude customer. In the future, I'd prefer if you let a manager handle those situations. You're great at merchandising and I want you to focus on that."

4- Request a change instead of pointing out a fault.

This approach lets the person know what to do in the future. Pointing out what someone did wrong is often not necessary. What is necessary is making sure they don't do the same thing again, and you can often accomplish this without criticizing them for something negative they did.

For example, you might say, "In the future, could you clear the table in the break room when you're done eating?" This frames it as a request, rather than saying, "You need to stop leaving a mess in the break room after lunch."

5- Criticize behavior rather than personality traits.

Offering specific, actionable feedback empowers the person to change it. Give the person something they can work on without insulting their personality or their character. Blaming a personality trait is an easy way out that will only hurt the person and won't solve your problem.

For example, if you have an employee who doesn't communicate well with the other members of their team, you might say, "In the future, I'd like it if you checked in with each of your team members first thing in the morning." This is going to go over a lot better than if you say, "you're not a team player."