What do you want for your child?

4:28:17

2023-08-26

504

Imagine for a moment that someone gave you the keys to a new, beautiful and powerful car. Let's say you didn't check the fuel, tires or oil, you didn't set your destination, you didn't use any map, and you didn't carry food or drink with you. All you did was get in the car, start the engine and drive. What do you think will happen?

Parents approach raising children in this reckless and sometimes impulsive way. Every day carries its own crises; you have to help your son sleep at night, bear, walk, use the toilet and eventually go to school. He has to learn how to do his homework and chores, how to drive, and how to get home on time. It may be tempting to think beyond the challenges of the day, but you will face many of these daily challenges as you raise your son. Perhaps short-term education will work today, but it may not be the best approach to your son's happiness and safety in the long term...or your own happiness and safety.

Long range education

Here's a suggestion: Imagine that thirty years have passed and your son is an adult. What kind of life do you want for him? What are the important personal qualities to you? What skills do you think he needs to succeed? When he grows up, what kind of man do you want him to be? Sit down with your partner and write down the answers to these questions. Most parents discover that they have never thought of parenting in this way before.

Perhaps you will discover that you want a son who is responsible and able to empathize, a son who is confident and kind. Perhaps you want him to be successful, educated, independent and faithful. Perhaps you will wish that his relationships would be stable, his marriage happy, and that he would one day have healthy children. The real truth about raising a boy is that you have to cultivate these qualities in him.

As the years go by, the challenges you face with your son provide the raw materials for him to learn life's most important lessons. It's tempting to focus on getting rid of the problems now, and to get the child to behave, listen, go to sleep, use the toilet, do homework, and follow the rules. But wise parents learn that it is best to focus on what the child is learning for the future. Every action aimed at disciplining, encouraging, or showing your love for him should teach your son the values and skills he will need to live a productive and happy life.

Make a list of the skills and personal qualities that you want your child to have and put it in a place where you will see it often. Then, on your journey through life, use this list as a map towards your final destination. Spilled juice, tantrums, and unfinished tasks are opportunities to teach your son what he needs to know to be successful and to build a relationship that will last a lifetime.

A wise person once said that a parent's job is to give a child roots and wings...roots so that he will always know he can come home to love and comfort and solace and wings so he can fly. Getting to know the amazing person your son really is will help give him the anchor and joy he needs to soar through life.