All young mammals play. It’s their way of learning the skills they’ll need as adults, from finding food to getting along with others. It’s also how young humans explore, learn, and process their emotions. We can think of play as the effort your child needs to put into building her brain and growing up healthy. Children are also more “in sync” with their bodies than adults. When their emotions get stressed, their bodies need to release all that energy. That’s one reason they have so much more energy than we do.

Many parents tell me that they’re too tired and busy to play with their children. Moms in particular are so focused on getting their children through their daily routines that they see play as a chore. But what if I told you that physical play with your child is the single best way to bond with them and help them process their emotions?

Children use play to work through emotional issues and get back into balance. They never get tired of pretending to go to the doctor, taking turns, and giving injections to their stuffed teddy bears. This way, at least in their imagination, they can have the upper hand. It’s an important antidote to the daily experience of being small, dependent, and often helpless. Laughter releases the same pent-up stress hormones that an intense crying session in a parent’s arms does. Rough play releases the feel-good hormones endorphins and oxytocin, so physical play makes kids happy and helps them bond. That’s why it’s one of the best ways to strengthen your relationship with your child. The good news is that these games don’t have to last long—they can be as little as two minutes. And believe it or not, most parents find them energizing. That’s because the stress and anxiety we carry around all day can make us tired. When we play, we release stress hormones just like our kids, which gives us more energy. Just like with our own children, physical play releases endorphins and oxytocin in our bodies, making us feel happier and more connected.

So when your child asks you to play, make a deal. Yes, you’ll play with Barbies or build a train track for a few minutes. But will he share your toy for a few minutes first? Here are some ideas to get you started:

* Wrestling, pillow fighting, let your child try to knock you down. All children need a safe way to express their anger toward their parents. Let him win, of course, until he asks you to do more.

* Chase your child. Toddlers, in particular, need to run away from us and know that we won’t fail to catch them. It’s best for your child to satisfy that need in your home rather than in the park, so make a game out of it. Chase her, then catch her, then let her return the ball. Or try to catch her, then trip. This is a game of power and separation at the same time, like hide-and-seek.

* Be a goofy monster. This variation on the chase game adds elements of fear and dominance, and works well with kids of all ages. Shuffle, strut, and roar at your child that you’re going to catch him and show him who’s boss, and be just scary enough to elicit laughter while you stumble, tumble, and let him outsmart or outsmart you. Children spend most of their time feeling small and helpless, so they need a chance to feel stronger, faster, and smarter than us. (“You can’t run from me! Boy, where are you going? You’re too fast for me!”). For fearful children, reverse the roles: “I’m the scary monster coming to get you… Oh, I tripped… Now where did I go? Huh? You scared me!”

* The “Bye Bye” game. Children from all cultures around the world play separation games, because the threat of losing a parent is a big fear for all children. Let’s play the “Bye Bye” game… I’m out the door. If you miss me, say the simplest word you can think of, and I’ll be back.” Go into the living room or bathroom, but don’t give your child a chance to miss you. Before you fully walk through the door, jump back out again and shout, “Unicorn!” or any other word that will make your child laugh. Hug and kiss her and say, “I missed you so much, I couldn’t leave… Let’s try again?!” Exaggerate your separation anxiety to get your child to laugh, and gradually increase the amount of time you spend out of her sight. Eventually, you can escalate to a game of hide-and-seek.

* The “I need you” game. To solve separation problems, when your child is very clingy to you, or when you have a new baby and she wonders if she will still be loved, cling to her exaggeratedly. “I know you want me to let you go so you can play, but I need you! I just want to be with you. Will you please stay with me now?” Continue to hold your child’s hand or cling to her clothes. She'll love feeling like she's in control of the breakup, rather than feeling pushed aside. If you're silly enough, she'll laugh, too, and release some of the tension associated with saying goodbye. When she pushes you away decisively, say, "It's okay. I know you'll come back. We always get back together." * The fix-it game. I call it the fix-it game, because it fixes any wrongdoing by convincing the child that he or she is very much loved. Fake a squirm as you chase your daughter, then hug and kiss her and let her go, repeating over and over: “I need a hug, Chelsea… You can’t get away… I have to hold you and kiss you… Oh no, you’re gone… I’m coming after you… I just want to kiss you more and hold you more… You’re too fast for me… But I’ll never give up… I love you so much… I got you… And now I’m going to kiss your toes… Oh no, you’re too strong for me… But I’ll always need more Chelsea hugs… I’m coming after you… Both parents can play at the same time, and “arguing about who gets to hug the baby First, dear ones. You can count on this game to dispel your child’s doubts about whether she is truly loved (and any “misbehaving” child has doubts like that).

* (Are you out of hugs?!). Use this game when your child is being annoying or irritating. (Are you out of hugs again? Let’s do something about it!). Grab your child and give her a long hug—as long as you can. Don’t let go until she starts squirming, and then don’t let go right away. Hold her tighter and say, “I love your hugs! I never want to let go. Promise me I can hug you again soon?” Then let go, reach out with a big, warm smile, and say, “Thanks! I needed that!”

* When your child has fears of any kind. Let your child scare you, and create fear. She will laugh at your fear and be free from worrying about her own fears. Or let her ride you like a horse, and be just enough that she's afraid to fall a little, so you laugh and scream as she clings to you. Any game that helps a child dance with her fears physically gives her the opportunity to dispel pent-up fear with laughter, and to become more courageous in real life.

* When your child goes through a whining phase. Remember that whining is an expression of helplessness. Refusing to listen until your child speaks in her (big-kid) voice only weakens her further. But you also don't really want to reward whining by "acquiescing" to what she demands in that whiny voice. In his book, Playful Parenting — the inspiration for many of these games, and the book I recommend most often to parents — Lawrence Cohen suggests that you express your confidence in your child’s ability to use her “strong” voice and offer to help her find it by turning it into a game: “Hey, where did your strong voice go? It was here a minute ago. I love your strong voice! I’ll help you find it. Help me look. Is it under the seat? No… in the toy box? No… Ha! I found it! That was it. Your strong voice! Bye! I love your strong voice! Now tell me again what you needed with your strong voice.”

* When it seems like you and your child are having a lot of power struggles. All children need a chance to feel empowered and challenged, and it’s best if it’s a game rather than something important. Try saying, “I bet you can’t push me,” or “Oh no, don’t do that!” or “Whatever happens, don’t get off the couch. Oh no, now I have to give you twenty kisses! Okay, your turn to give me an order.”)

* When your child is getting excited or moving. (You have a lot of energy right now. Want to spin? Come here with me (or outside) where it’s safe to spin, and I’ll watch.) Find a safe place where there are no other children or parents to stimulate him further, and let him spin around, jump up and down, or run in circles around you—whatever he chooses. When he feels overwhelmed, hug him and say, “It’s fun to be excited. But sometimes you get really excited and need a little help calming down. Now let’s take three deep breaths to relax. In through your nose, out through your mouth. One… two… three… Great! Do you feel a little calmer? It helps to know how to calm yourself down. Now, let's cuddle and read a book."

* When your girls are fighting a lot. When it's calm, say, "You two are fighting with each other now, please?" When they start fighting, pretend to be a TV commentator. We're on the scene tonight with two sisters who can't seem to get along!

Stay tuned as we watch this live! We see how the big sister acts bossy, while the little sister provokes her! Both girls want the same salami. Are they smart enough to realize that there's more salami in the fridge? Stay tuned..." Your girls will laugh, shake off the tension, and see how silly they were.

* To help a child who is facing a difficult challenge, such as starting school, playground conflicts, or an illness. Have one stuffed animal play the role of the parent, another play the role of the child, and act out the situation. Using stuffed animals takes the situation a little bit away from reality, and that’s comforting for most kids, but some like to act it out themselves (rather than using a toy or stuffed animal to represent them). Let’s pretend we’re in the yard, and I want your truck, but you don’t want to “participate,” or “Pretend you’re the teacher and I’m the student,” or “Pretend you’re the doctor and I’m the patient.” Acting out these stressful situations helps kids feel more in control of their emotions, and gives them the upper hand in a situation where they might otherwise feel helpless and humiliated.