Your role in influencing the social life of your child

4:4:43

2023-08-20

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Although your child should develop skills playing alone with his friends and peers, there is a lot you can do to set him up for success. Remember, your baby is picking up and listening to the signals you are giving of how you see the world, so don't underestimate the power you have in shaping his perception of the world around him. Here are some general signs to keep in mind:

Adjust your expectations of what is normal and acceptable about social behavior: As a parent of a slow-warming child, you must understand that your child has the stress of stepping out of the family's comfort zone. He also gets a huge dose of nervous tension when faced with going to an after-school activity or a new group of kids at the playground, at the beach, or at a family gathering.

Prepare your child for the stressful event: Instead of resisting your child's natural warm-up and causing more stress, you can use the warm-up time in a constructive and positive way.

Encourage and do not interfere with your child's social activities: According to research summarized by Dr. David Shaver, Professor of Developmental Psychology at the University of Georgia, parents who indirectly monitor their children's social activities through gentle encouragement and unfettered supervision contribute to their children's social success. By contrast, parents who directly interfere with and fully participate in their children's playtime actually hinder their children's social skills and acceptance by their peers. After all, if a child knows that one of his parents will take care of things for him, he will not develop playing skills, and his friends will resent that interference. In addition, parents who force their children to say a certain thing or play with a new group of strange children are spoiling the fun of playing, and it will be associated in the child's mind that starting a dialogue means something bad.

A social worker wrote to me about her mother’s negative influence on her during difficult social situations when she was a child: “She was always yelling at me and making me talk so I wouldn’t stand in a position where I looked clumsy (“Say something, don’t just stand like that!”). I used to feel like I couldn’t Merge with other kids when I was little, and now I feel that way with adults.”

Help your child approach social activities with optimism: Since your child's attitude towards social activities is affected by how you see them, you can help your child calm his fears by encouraging him and by being optimistic when you talk about those social situations. Use enthusiasm and logic rather than coercion and force, and allow your child to shine and shine in his dialogues with others. For example, if your child resists attending day camp, tell him, "You'll see the kids you met last year, and I'm sure they'll be glad to see you again," instead of telling him he has no other choice but to go to camp and make the most of it.