Reasons of Envy & How to Overcome Them
9:6:37 2018-10-02 3486

Envy is an emotion which "occurs when a person lacks another's superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it.


Now many people confuse envy with jealousy so let’s get that cleared out first before we move on.


The main difference between envy and jealousy is that envy is the emotion of craving what someone else has, while jealousy is the emotion related to fear that something you have will be taken away by someone else.


Envy is the emotion when you want a possession someone else has.     


Jealousy is the emotion when you fear you may be replaced in the affection of someone you love or desire.


Now what causes envy? Why do we envy?

We all feel envious from time to time, no matter how much we want to believe we’re above it. Envy is a complex collection of feelings that stems from a very basic desire: You want what someone else has.


The vast majority of individuals will envy a friend at some point in their lives. Researches have even found out that most of us actually tend to envy our friends, though some not as severe or for big matters as others


Now here are seven reasons why we envy.

  1. Money

Money matters. It can ruin a friendship if one friend brings in or has access to plenty of money, with extra to spare, while another barely makes end meet. Here envy will happen for sure.
 

  1. Relationship Status

If your closest friend is in a romantic relationship and you’re sitting there at work looking at him smiling at his phone when he texts her, envy happens right there.

The envious guy wonders whyyyy? Is it because he is better looking? Because he has a better job? Etc.
 

  1. Fertility and Children

I’ve seen this one happen many times. You have two very close friends about the same age, one gets pregnant and delivers the baby and months go by and her friend is still not pregnant. Will the non-pregnant girl feel 100 percent happy for her friend? We love our friends, of course, but if the non-pregnant girl can’t get pregnant, the tiny envious part of her would feel better if her friend couldn’t get pregnant either.
 

  1. Physical Attractiveness

He looks better than me. He gets girls, I don’t. Everyone compliments his looks, I don’t get any compliments.
 

  1. Weight

Oh my God Sarah eats all day and never gets fat! I’m on a strict diet and still weight 200 pounds. Oh my God look at how fit she is. For people who feel bad about their weight, having a close friend who is thin can trigger deep envy.
 

  1. Professional Success (especially in the same career)

Men and women don’t typically envy a friend’s professional success, but having a friend in the same profession who is more successful can trigger serious envy.
 

  1. Social Media

A recent study found that social media can cause powerful feelings of envy. This makes sense, as individuals self-select photos of themselves at their happiest—you know when they’re traveling all around the world and taking photos everywhere. This makes the people viewing the photos to be envious.
 

What do some famous figures say about envy?

Malcolm X - Envy blinds men and makes it impossible for them to think clearly.

Marilyn Monroe - Success makes so many people hate you. I wish it wasn't that way. It would be wonderful to enjoy success without seeing envy in the eyes of those around you.

Buddha - Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind.

 

Let’s check out some disadvantages of envy:

  • It hurts your feelings
  • It causes fear as it can be a threat
  • If recurred can cause stress
  • Can make you hate whatever it is you’re being envied on

 

Now envy obviously has disadvantages but we can actually turn envy to positive and use it for our benefit, according to psychologists.

  • It helps us learn what we want.
  • It helps us learn in what areas we can grow.
  • It shows us which people we admire and look up to.
  • It points to an area where we can have compassion for ourselves for not being “perfect” already.
     

Now comes how to overcome envy

No matter how hard you try to cover it with a smile, envy isn't something that goes away on its own.
 

Check these methods out and see for yourself how you can overcome envy.
 

  1. Shift your focus to the goodness in your life. One of the biggest reasons we envy the life of another is because we have begun to take our blessings for granted. Well, count them again. You are gifted. You are unique. Your life is too valuable to be lived like everyone else.

 

  1. Remind yourself that nobody has it all. Nobody has it all. Each person you meet experiences problems, trials, and weaknesses–just like you. This is what makes us human. Nobody is exempt. Nobody is perfect guys. Nobody.

 

  1. Avoid people who always value the wrong things. If you spend all your time with people who compare the latest fashions, you are going to start desiring the latest fashions. If you spend all your time with people who talk about their salaries, their new cars, or their extravagant vacations, you are going to naturally fall into the inevitable trap of comparing your possessions to theirs.

 

  1. Spend time with grateful people. Gratitude is highly contagious–Find grateful people who experience contentment in their lives and spend quality time with them. You’ll forget about envy and any other negative thing.

 

Celebrate the success of others. Genuinely and practically, rejoice in the fortune of others. When somebody receives something that you desire, be happy for them. If you wanted it, they probably did too. Stop viewing life as a competition.

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